At work, at home, with friends, always be available so as not to feel excluded.

Stay in a social context, be it work, your family or friends, always involves building a relationship that should satisfy both parties.

In the relationships between people and their groups, however, the character of each one comes into play and has the power to modify a direct relationship or the spirit of the group.

Sometimes it can happen that in the daily context, a growing increase of commitments are carried out by a few or the only people who feel invested in the duty to do so.

It is not always a question of pressure or oppression of one individual over the other that direct continuous commitments on some subjects, but more often it is these people who make themselves excessively available by taking on excessive burdens.

Within the work teams, especially the hierarchical ones, in a short time we can see the subjects who, willy-nilly, are recipients of activities and employment of working time longer than others.

In the family it often happens that, especially women, are overwhelmed by jobs, commissions, commitments and responsibilities, creating themselves an imbalance of forces that penalizes them, consuming their time and not appreciating their life.

Even in a context of friendships, whether there is a large group or a few friends, hierarchies are created in which there is almost always an element that is made available to others, he sacrifices himself to make the relationship fluid and takes on more or less important commitments.

These people are generally victims of themselves, they are hardly forced to spend their time for others, but they feel they have to do it mainly to be accepted, to believe that they are useful and therefore necessary for the group, without which they think they would be alone.

Sometimes the underestimation of oneself leads to making sure that the increase of efforts and commitments can fill that insecurity that one has, thinking that what has been done for others it is understood as a quality of the person himself.

We always return in order to be accepted, to be inside a system, not to be alone and to think that, only through an extra effort, we can mask the inadequacy you feel.

It is a form of personal cancellation that is exchanged for a place in a group of people, be it work, family or friends, a dead end in which you are unable to go out or do not want to go out for fear that the fragile equilibrium achieved will fall apart.

How to get out?

First of all, it is necessary to evaluate whether the time spent on continuous commitments can give sufficient personal returns with respect to the effort made. If this is not the case, it must be remembered that time stolen from someone, even unintentionally, is lost forever.

Every human being invests his time to do something that can make him feel good or can satisfy his needs, material or emotional and it is precisely for this reason that this satisfaction must have a balance otherwise it is not worth it.

If you go to work 8 hours a day you will get a salary, with this you satisfy your material needs, but if at the same salary you have to work 16 hours a day, perhaps it would be better to think of a different job.

So, in relationships with people more or less the same rule applies, the time spent should have a satisfying return for you, whether in the form of an emotional relationship , maternal, of friendship and also in a working forum.

Furthermore it is necessary to break the chain that binds your relationships with others with the evaluation you make of yourself, thinking that every living being has strengths and weaknesses and , very often, there is a tendency to mask the frailties and enhance the merits, never knowing people for who they are.

Create a balance between what you do and what you receive considering that you must have the right to seek the satisfaction of your life, without putting yourself at the full service of others unilaterally.

Automatic translation. We apologize for any inaccuracies. Original article in Italian.

Photo: Corriere della Sera